Nine months and finally getting the hang of it.

9 months.  That's how long it took Avery to fully grow and develop inside my belly before it was safe for her to come out and join her mommy, daddy and world full of people that love her.  And that's exactly how long it's taken me to adjust to life with her.  Don't get me wrong, I accepted the fact that I'm responsible for another human being the second they laid her on my chest, but after 9 months, I have finally gotten to the point that I can not only live with a baby, but can actually function while doing so.  We've found our "groove."  I know what works with her, for the most part, and I've figured out what I can accomplish on days we're together.  I know that in the mornings, she's pretty clingy and fussy and I won't be able to get much done until she's woken up from her morning nap.  I know when she should take naps (10 and 2).  I know how long those naps should approximately be (an hour and a half to two).  I know which toys are her favorite (Violet the talking puppy and Minnie Mouse).  I know how she acts when she gets sleepy (randomly laying down and patting the floor) and what I should do when she starts getting sleepy (find a pacifier and turn on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse).  I know when I can start to do laundry while she's sleeping (after 20 minutes, she's really asleep and is oblivious to noise).  I know what to do if she's uncontrollably screaming (turn on Elvis).  This feels good.  In November, I was feeling like I would NEVER get to this point.  I was drowning.  My house was disgusting, my kid wasn't on a sleeping schedule and never, ever slept and I felt so out of control.  That seems like so long ago.  No, my house isn't spotless, but I do keep it picked up.  I do several loads of laundry during the week and catch up on the weekends.  I put things away after I use them.  I pick up Avery's toys at the end of the night.  Lately, I've begun to focus on the design of my house again.  I rearranged my living room furniture, switched out tables and lamps and have several home projects on the horizon.  No, my baby still doesn't sleep, but we're working on it.  After trying almost everything else, we're going with something new.  Avery's sleeplessness and waking up around 12:30 am every morning was making Marty and I both exhausted....and was making me crazy.  Somehow, we discovered that Avery slept really great with Marty on the couch.  So for awhile, we did that.  She started out in her crib every night and when she woke between 12:30 and 2, she'd go to sleep in the living.  It wasn't ideal, but it was working....and more importantly, everyone was sleeping.  Recently, she started getting really restless at night and she and Marty weren't getting a good night's sleep.  So we've started a 4 step process.  First stage, go in to her when she wakes and is crying, pick her up and rock her until she's settled and sleepy and then lay her back in bed while she's still awake.  If she cries, repeat the process.  Do this for several nights until Avery "gets used to it."  Second stage, go to her when she wakes and don't pick her up.  Just talk to her, pat her, rub her back, but don't pick her up.  Third stage, go to her and talk to her by using calming words, but don't touch her or pick her up.  Fourth stage, go to her and talk to her from the doorway, but don't go in the room to her.  After 4 nights, it seems to be working.  Last night, she slept from 9 to 5.  EIGHT HOURS.   Completely unheard of in the Gaddie household.  I don't want to talk much more about it because I'm afraid I'll jinx it.  Just cross your fingers that it wasn't a fluke. Since we're getting on a regular schedule, I'm feeling more crafty again and I have SEVERAL things planned as far as house projects go.  I hope to start a new series on this blog, along with the the supper club.  Stay tuned. :)
I'm doing something different for this week's menu.  Instead of going out and buying ingredients, I'm utilizing different things that are in my pantry.  Seems stupid to buy all new food when I have a semi-stocked pantry full of food that needs to be used.  This week's Super Messy Supper Club menu:
Monday:  Lasagna roll ups (due to unforseen circumstances last week, this was never made).
Tuesday:  Shake and bake chicken, green beans and biscuits.
Wednesday: Beef with broccoli
Thursday: Spaghetti and meatballs
Friday:  BBQ chicken sandwich (chicken breasts in the crock-pot, bbq sauce, low for 6 hours)
Saturday:  Derby party!  I need to find a good side dish or appetizer recipe to take to the host.  Suggestions?

Here's to looking forward to getting the hang of this mommy business as Avery gets older!

My cooking journey....sort of.

Well, I hoped to have better news on the cooking front.  Like everything in life, I've had to be flexible and unseen things that came up this week prevented my "6 out of 7 day cooking project."  Friday, I published my blog post, went to the grocery and was fired up for my newest quest to be a super mommy.  Friday, I made Chicken Bacon Pasta.  It. Was. Fabulous.  Naturally, I took the recipe and changed a few things.  We don't have a grill (yet....I hope to have a grill one day soon) other than the dinky countertop, fat-reducing grill that doesn't ever cook my chicken completely or evenly enough.  So I decided to pan sear my chicken.  Salt, pepper, olive oil and a skillet.  Couldn't be easier.

Mmmmm...

Holy pots and pans Batman.

As I was pan searing chicken, boiling water and making a white sauce, I was so excited.  For too long, I've had the attitude that the cleaning, cooking and baby raising shouldn't be all my responsibility.  I shouldn't be the one to provide meals, clean clothes and a happy baby every single day.  I'm not sure what happened, but a light bulb has gone off and I've realized that taking care of my home and making sure my family is happy and well-fed shouldn't be a chore, but a priviledge.  Yes, I still strongly believe that my husband should help out around the house, but it's my responsibility.  When someone walks in my house and sees that it's filthy and I have an empty pantry, who does that reflect on--me or Marty?  As unfair as it may be, it's me that would look bad if we didn't live in a well-run home.  And I'm accepting that.  I was looking at cooking as an exciting activity and not a chore.....finally.

Why is it that my dish is never as pretty as the picture??

So back to the cooking.  The sauce in this dish is fantastic.  I didn't have red pepper flakes, so I would recommend a little more salt in the dish if you choose to leave that seasoning out.  Since we're huge fans of broccoli in this household, I decided to throw some in to give us our veggie serving for the day.  Successful dish.  Marty gave it his stamp of approval and said he'd eat it again (always how I measure my success). 
Saturday night, I found this awesome recipe for gluten-free crust-less pizza.  I was PUMPED.  For about two years, I've been watching my gluten intake due to a gluten "intolerance" that was diagnosed after some pretty intense stomach pain.  For the most part, I'm okay to eat breads and pastas, although I can't have a whole lot of wheat breads.  But pizza is 100% off-limits.  One slice will send me crawling right to my heating pad.  So when I found this recipe, I was excited to try it.  I chose to make my pizza with sausage, pepperoni and green peppers.  While the taste of this pizza was pretty great....it wasn't really a pizza.  The crust is made mostly of cream cheese that I baked before adding the pizza toppings.  Even after baking first and leaving it out to cool, the "crust" wasn't firm enough to pick up and eat.  The dish basically ended up being more like a pizza casserole.  Forks were needed, but the taste was great.  Even though it wasn't what I was expecting, I definitely recommend the recipe for anyone trying to live the gluten-free lifestyle.

My little kitchen helper :)

And unfortunately, this is where my cooking story has ended.  Sunday night, we exercised the "see-food" night and fended for ourselves.  Monday, I was ready to fix my chicken nuggets and mac and cheese.  When I got home, I realized that I didn't put out any chicken to thaw out.  Oops.  So Marty ended up eating the leftover chicken bacon pasta (another plus to making dinner...leftovers....and saving money!) and I made myself a grilled ham and cheese.  I cut my losses and swore to get back to cooking the next night.  Tuesday night, Marty and I ended up going to my parent's house to visit and ate over there.  No biggie, go with the flow, try again Wednesday......until I woke up this morning with a massive migraine and Marty ate at his sister's house so I don't have to make dinner tonight.  I'm disappointed that I'm not getting to hone my cooking skills, but isn't that what life is all about?  Being flexible and rolling with the punches?  Cooking 6 nights a week sounds amazing on paper, but you don't factor in those nights that Avery needs to spend just a few more hours playing peek-a-boo with Granddaddy and Grandma's house or illnesses that make walking from the bed to the bathroom painful, much less pulling out pots and pans to make a homemade dinner.  It doesn't make me a terrible mom that we had some dinners away from home or that I might have to make a McDonald's run later to feed myself.  I know my family is still happy and I promise to return to cooking tomorrow night....no unforseen circumstance provided.

The beginning of my super messy adventures

Well, welcome to my NEW blog. Don't worry, all the old "Audrey" posts are still here, I just felt like the blog had outgrown it's "Life Inspired by Audrey" name. Yes, I'm still obsessed with Audrey Hepburn. But life (and my blog posts) seem to be more about being the best mommy I can be and less about finding the perfect Audrey-like outfit to wear everyday. Hence, my new blog name. I couldn't think of a better name to describe my current path in life. I want so badly to reach that elusive "supermommy" status that I dreamt of for so long. But mostly I end up being super messy in my quest for perfection. And voila! The Super Messy Super Mommy was created. I hope you enjoy my new blog name, new look and new "supermommy" inspired posts. So onto my latest quest towards mommy greatness.....

Lately, I've been looking for any possible way to save a little bit of money. It might be the addition of Avery and all the things that keep her clothed, fed and happy (and the expense of each). Maybe it's the fact that I've fallen in love with a house plan and want to build ASAP, but I know without putting aside money each paycheck, I know that's not going to happen. Or maybe it's just because saving money feels good and makes me feel accomplished. It's not like I'm going to start extreme couponing any time soon, but I welcome any opportunity to save a little green.....especially at the grocery. It would amaze me how much I could spend at the grocery on just two adults and a baby. I would buy what I thought we needed for a week or two and get up to the check out line, thinking I was being frugal. I would have the total cost figured in my head that I thought my recent shopping escapade would cost. I was always wrong. Not a drastic difference from what I was thinking, but I would always be $30-40 off. How is that possible?!?! I've learned from experience that I should shop alone. If my husband and I shop together, we always spend more money--the same principle applied when I was growing up...go shopping with dad=bigger grocery bill. I've also learned from experience that I am an impulse buyer. I know I don't need the Wild Berry PopTarts or the sandwich thin bread that costs $2 more, but I can't help but be sucked into the cute packaging or the promise of convenience. My grocery trips always result in convenient, pre-packed foods that I know isn't the healthiest for myself or my husband (but it's so darn EASY). I fall into the habit of making out a weekly menu, buying the items and then never getting around to making the recipe I had picked out--resulting in a pantry full of food that only went with that specific recipe I had picked out. What on earth am I going to do with quick-cooking tapioca or a can of green chiles?? My sister in law and I were having a conversation about mommyhood and things that frustrate us about our lives. I mentioned that I don't cook anymore. I really enjoy cooking. I love finding recipes that sound appealing and easy. When I told my SIL that I don't cook, she looked surprised and said "What do you guys eat??" I was embarrassed. Well, no more. I will no longer be the mom that cooks convenience food simply because it's faster. Do I want to have the obese child at three years old because her mom only fixes frozen pizzas and chicken nuggets? Do I want to be the mom that Avery tells her friends about that never cooks dinner for her family? I GREATLY admire homemakers and stay-at-home-moms. Some critize them for not holding any "real job." Bull. Raising children, keeping a clean or well-run home and cooking one, if not two meals a day is harder than any "real" job I've ever had. I want Avery to remember me as a fun mommy that cooked good meals for her family and kept a happy home. I understand that things can't always be perfect. I cannot always have the clean house or the homemade dinner or the spectacular crafts that knock people socks off. But I can try to be the best mommy/wife/homemaker I can be. And to be that person, I'm going to start making dinner for my family. I've found recipes that are just as easy as opening a blue box and pouring noodles into a boiling pot of water--and a lot healthier too. Because you all keep me sane and this blog holds me accountable for things that I want to do (remember my crazy cluttered office??? It's almost done!!! Pictures to come this weekend---all because I promised you guys I would!), I'm posting my weekly menu on my blog. I hope to share recipes with all of you and hopefully share my successes! I'm much more motivated to do something when I know that other people know about it. So, today starts my first (of what I hope is many!!) what we'll call the "Super Messy Super Mommy Supper Club." I'll post my menu for the week, along with links of where I found the recipes. In return, I hope you'll share your favorite tried and true recipes with me so I can try them in my own home. This week's menu looks a little something like this:

Friday--Chicken Bacon Pasta
Saturday--No Crust Pizza and salad (due to my recent gluten intolerance, I'm crazy excited about this one)
Sunday-- "See"food night....whatever you see that looks good, you fix it yourself. A Sunday night staple in my house growing up.
Monday--Chicken Nuggets and mac and cheese
Tuesday--Lasagna Roll Ups
Wednesday--breakfast for dinner (I'm thinking eggs and french toast)
Thursday--Enchilada Pockets
Friday--Zatarain's Jambalaya with Cheese (inspired by our recent New Orleans trip!)

Wish me luck!

There are no words.

Remember my post from a few weeks ago where I organized the master bedroom closet? And I promised you pictures of my disgustingly horrible office/craft room/junk room. *deep breath*(I'm just gonna throw this out there....I must realllllly love you guys if I'm about to show you the following pictures. That, or I have temporarily lost my mind).

Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh. I hear you now, because it's the same question I asked myself every single day: How did it ever get like this?? I wish I could say that I have no idea. But I do...and her name is Avery. You see, when Marty and I were just a little family of two, had a three bedroom home. One master bedroom and two bedrooms for us to have individually to store our junk. When we found out that our Avery was on the way, one room had to be cleared out and condensed into two. I love our little house, but I would KILL for more storage. My next home will have closets everywhere you look. We have the problem of too much stuff, not enough places to put it all. Hence, the disgusting room. Any time someone would come to visit our adorable newborn, things would be thrown in the office. I eventually quit painting (something I hope to be able to pick up again) and all of my painting supplies and canvases lay haphazardly around the room. My dresses and coats are in the office closet, some hung up, some laying in the floor or draped across the back of the chair. Boxes thrown in, Christmas wrapping paper lay in the floor, Marty's weight bench blocked much of the walking area in the room. It just continued to pile up, making the room worse and worse. I was beginning to worry that we'd be candidates for the hit TLC show "Hoarding: Buried Alive." Over the last two months, I attempted to tackle the overwhelming mess. I would walk in, move a few things around, become short of breath and panicky and have to walk out. My office was causing me to have a panic attack on a daily basis, literally. The funny thing is, as bad as the above pictures look, it got worse. You know how they say to get an area cleaned and organized, you have to make a bigger mess first? That happened. In my attempts to de-clutter, I made a bigger mess. It was an insurmountable project. The mess was so big, I didn't ever know where to start. So I hadn't.

Until this week. Dayna, my middle sister, is in the big kid world and has gone and bought herself a house. An adorable little house that came with this incredibly awesome corner desk. I love my little wicker desk because it has traveled with me from home to college to married/adulthood, but it's outgrown its usefulness. The desk at Dayna's house would be perfect. Best part? Dayna doesn't need it. It's too big and bulky for the room that she'll be using as her office. So we're trading off. She gets the wicker desk, I get the corner one. I was pumped. Until I thought about my office. Where is it going to go? How will we get it in? How will I get the office cleaned in time for it to go into the room? I doubt Dayna would be willing to wait the 6 months it would take me to completely clean the room the way I wanted it. This afternoon, I got a few wonderful hours to myself at home....and I did it. I tackled the junk room. But not in the way I thought I would. Instead of cleaning the room piece by piece, which would probably take DAYS (maybe even weeks) to do, I cleared the room out. I utilized every laundry basket, box and storage tote we own and piled up with stuff and took it out of the room. The room looks empty and amazing......but now the rest of my house doesn't.

Excuse me, I need to go have an anxiety attack right now.

I'm back. Holy crap. What have I done?!?! If you don't want to by my friend anymore, I totally understand. *inhale* *exhale* I know this is the most effective way for me to get my craft room back to its former glory. If I am able to control the items that go back into the room and put it back in a clutter-free and completely organized way, I know that it's going to be a million times better than just making all of the mess I had fit the room. This way, I'll be able to go through each box and bag and label each piece: keep, toss, donate, yard sale. Less will be going in, more will be going out, and I'll FINALLY be able to breathe (and hopefully paint!) again. I posted these pictures in the hopes that, by putting them out there for everyone to see, I will be held accountable to clean the room and make it awesome again. If you would, my faithful blog followers (are there really any of you out there???) gently remind me every once in a while or inquire about the status of this room. That way, I know I'll have to get it clean--at least for the sake of another blog post. If you'll excuse me, I have to go breathe into a brown paper bag now.

Rantings. And LOTS of them.

{Warning. I am going to be complaining. I don't need judgement. I just need to vent. This is more for me than for anyone else to actually read, so it's probably going to be a jumbled mess of angry rantings. You've been warned.}

I have a zombie baby. One who has decided that sleep, unfortunately, just isn't for her, no matter what kind of sleep training techniques or bedtime routines her mommy and daddy try. And we're not just talking not sleeping at nighttime. That, I could almost handle. We're talking not sleeping...EVER. She's a notorious catnapper. Ten to twenty minutes later, she's awake. You rock her to sleep when you see that rare window of opportunity when she begins to rub her eyes and show signs of sleepiness. But don't even dare try to lay her down. She has a magic sensor that alerts her body when someone is no longer holding her and those sweet little brown eyes fly right open. No matter how tired she is or how little sleep she got the night before. She WILL NOT sleep unassisted. She has to have help going to sleep and staying asleep. The going to sleep thing, I can handle. I love rocking her and singing her a variety of bedtime lullabies and watching as she can't fight anymore and sleep overcomes her. Those moments, I cherish. It's the moments when she cries the second I lay her in her crib or on a mat in the floor are the ones that are about to drive me bananas. For the most part, I had come to terms with the fact that Avery never sleeps. Until this morning. The last three nights, Avery has been up almost every single hour and laid in her bed and whined. Not really cried, which lets me know that she isn't in pain or needing to be comforted, just whined. Like "Someone please come get me because I sound so pathetic and I know you can't stand it" whined. And for the past two nights, I've ignored her. (when I say ignored, I mean laid by the monitor and listened to every noise she made, but didn't go to her). Last night, however, was a different story. After several hours of waking, whining and falling back asleep, Avery thought that 4:30 am was an appropriate time to wake up and start really crying. Just enough to get my attention to make me think that she didn't feel good or needed to be attended to. So I got up, went in her room and got her out of her bed, thinking that I could rock her back to sleep. Fifteen minutes later, I still had a wide-eyed baby that had no intention of going back to sleep in her crib. So I made the mistake that I'm sure a lot of sleep-deprived mommies make....I put her in our bed. I swore, from the moment I found out that we were expecting, that our babies would not sleep in our bed. I didn't want to find ourselves, five years down the road, with a toddler still sleeping in between. But sometimes, in the wee hours of the morning when you would do almost anything to get a few hours of sleep, you're not thinking 100% clearly. I laid her down, thinking the warmth of our bed and her laying in between us would immediately put her back to sleep. Wrong. She laid in our bed....and played. She reached for my pajama top, my nose, my hair, the blanket--anything she could get her hands on and play with. She rolled from Marty's side to mine. She flipped over, she sighed, she popped her pacifier in and out of her mouth. Basically, she did everything BUT sleep. Soon, I found myself facing 6 am and time to shower and start the day....all without a single wink of sleep since 4:30. I gave her a bottle and placed her beside Marty, thinking that she'd keep him awake and demand early morning playtime or episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. So I showered and fought to stay awake. I applied my makeup and fixed my hair. All was well until my dryer bumped the display board where I have all of my earrings and down went all of my earrings in the sink. As I picked up the pairs of earrings, I found only one lone earring belonging to my favorite pair....meaning the other probably went right down the drain. And I lost it. I stood in my bathroom and cried. Over a $5 pair of fake pearl studs. I knew it was less about the earrings (which could be easily replaced with a trip to Claire's or another equally cheap jewelry place) and more about the fact that my baby's sleep issues make me feel like a complete and utter failure. What have I done, or haven't done, to get her to this current pattern of sleeplessness that she's in?? Did I baby her too much as a newborn? Did I hold her too much? Show her too much attention? Rock her to sleep too long when she should have been laid in her crib as soon as her bedtime routine was over? Which, in turn, made me angry. Why should it always be my fault? Why should it be something that I did, or didn't do, to cause something as huge as these ridiculous sleep issues? I shook off these feelings, finished drying my hair and walked out of the bathroom to get dressed...only to find my 7 month old curled up to her daddy....sound asleep. Which started another fit of crying. Why me? Why will she go to sleep just fine for Marty, but seems dead-set against getting a good night's sleep for my sake? It wasn't always like this. When Avery was about 10 weeks old, she was sleeping at least 8 hours through the night. I was incredibly thankful. Each night that I would lay down and wake 6 hours later without a peep was a restful and wonderful night. Then, Avery caught a cold. Stuffy noses and a whiny baby became our nightly routine and I thought we'd never get back to that blissful state of restfulness we were in before. Until Marty and I started Avery on a pretty strict bedtime routine. At 7 pm, on the dot, we were beginning her routine which started with a bottle and cereal and ended with a bath and lotion-y massage. For awhile, that worked. She would sleep from 8-5 consistently for about 2 weeks. Then she got an ear infection and broncholitis and spent an entire week in our bed propped up on pillows so I could make sure she was still breathing through the night. Which brings us to our current state. The routine is still the same...filling that little tummy and then a bath and lotion before bed, but the results have been far different than they were before. But no one else in the house seems to be affected by this sleeplessness, other than me. Avery is a happy baby...seemingly unaware as to how awesome sleep is and the fact that most babies her age should be getting 10-18 hours of sleep a day. We're lucky if we get 18 hours in two. Marty, while extremely helpful whenever I ask him to get out of bed and tend to her, has the remarkable ability to sleep through anything and usually doesn't hear her crying at night. There have been a few times that he'll stir when she's really wailing, but he can always roll over and go right back to sleep. And I'm envious...and a little bit angry...and a lot bit resentful. Anger is now my #1 emotion...if I'm being completely honest with myself. In fact, more than once during this frustrating morning, I had to refrain from punching my snoring husband. And why? I'm exhausted and want sleep more than anything...why on earth would I begrudge anyone of getting their own 6-8 hours of sleep a night? But when I'm in the middle of being sleep-deprived, I don't think of things like that. I think of how jealous I am that he gets to sleep and how I want to be the one that's drooling on my pillow. I've become this irrationally angry person that I don't even like being around. I get mad over clothes left in the laundry room or a dish left on the table. Things that absolutely don't matter in the long run. But rational thinking and an even-temper have completely left me. And I have no idea how to get them back. I resolve to be a nicer person and to control my emotions when it's no one's fault that I'm so tired, but I can't. I go right back to being the snappy, hormonal, momasarus I was before. Not to mention the fact that I have become a blithering idiot. I can't think of words that I'm wanting to say, I lose my train of thought at the drop of a hat and if it's not written down or I'm not reminded 5 times or more, I will forget things. My co-worker probably thinks I'm the dumbest person in the world. I feel like I'm on this vicious merry-go-round: Avery doesn't sleep=I don't sleep=I blame myself=I feel like a failure=I get angry=Avery still doesn't sleep...the cycle continues. I want it to stop. I want my baby to sleep. Forget all of my issues for a second...how is she functioning?? If a baby is supposed to be getting 10-18 hours and she's getting maybe 7 the entire day, how is that good for her? If she doesn't take naps, is she a burden to anyone that watches her? I know I'm barely able to get things done on the weekends because she refuses to be left alone and she doesn't nap...do other people resent the fact that they have to stay right by her side the entire time they're babysitting her? In fact, this very issue lost us a regular weekly babysitter. One who had children of her own that needed her attention, which is how is should be, and my whiny baby was beginning to interfere with that. Which makes me feel like a terrible mom. No one likes to hear that their baby cried all day and didn't let the babysitter get anything done. I don't want to be THAT mom. I just don't know what else to do. We've tried crying it out. It worked for a little while, but now she's up all the time just crying. What do I do? Go to her every hour that she's crying and rock her back to sleep? But then doesn't that teach her that she needs me to comfort her before she enters any state of sleep? Do I let her cry every single time through the entire night? But doesn't that teach her that nighttime isn't an enjoyable time because she knows she'll lay in her crib and cry? Why isn't there a clear answer? I can handle all the ifs of mommyhood...if she'll be succesful, if she'll hit her milestones on time, if she'll be healthy and happy...but this is one issue that I just want the magic answer. Don't get me wrong, if there's a good reason to lose sleep, my Avery girl would be the best one. But I would like the magic formula to get my baby to sleep through the night and get my home to return to some type of order and the old, pleasant Devan back. I guess until then, I just have to keep repeating that "this too shall pass...."

Worrywart.

Out of all my character flaws (and I have many--impatience, temper, pouting when things don't go my way), my worrying is the worst. I have the innate ability to worry about anything and everything. I'll take anything, which can start as something very small, and worry about it until it becomes a very large and overwhelming situation. I can't help it. I worry about Avery CONSTANTLY--is she happy? Is she being fed okay? What if she's allergic to every fruit I give her for the rest of her life (the current list is bananas and pears)? Is this current I-need-you-all-the-time, whiny stage of her life caused by something I did...or didn't...do? Will she ever get back on a sleep schedule again?? I worry about myself--am I a good enough mom? Will I ever learn how to balance Avery and a home? Will I find time to paint again? Am I destined to be a zombie mom? I worry about my husband and my family--about their health, happiness and relationship with me. I worry about my relationship with God--is it strong enough? Do I pray enough? What is God going to say to me when He gets the chance? I even worry about worrying too much! I've always been this way. When invited to high school parties or to friend's houses whose parents were gone for the night, I declined their invitations because I worried that my dad would know the next door neighbors and they'd see my car at the party. Sometimes I wonder if I've been this way since birth. But it's Lent. And if I could truly give anything up, it wouldn't be Dr. Peppers for 40 days or facebook. It would be worrying. Since I know that isn't a realistic, I am going to make it my Lenten goal to worry LESS. For 40 days (and hopefully longer), I will worry less and enjoy more. I will give my problems over to God instead of thinking that I'm big enough to handle everything on my own. It shows my own lack of faith in believing that my worrying will solve anything instead of handing the problem immediately over to God and relying on Him to help me through. I will print off these quotes and place them where I can read them and remind myself daily that I need not worry. And hopefully by the end of this Lenten season, I'll be a worry-free(ish) and happier me. :)

Nerd alert

I {LOVE} school supplies. Give me a $100 and the choice of spending it at either Office Depot or JC Penney, and I'm more than likely going to choose the office supply store. It could be that it takes me back to my childhood and preparing for the first day of school. I loved being able to show off my new Trapper Keeper or Lisa Frank pencil case. Maybe it's the fact that I love to draw and create things, and stores like Office Depot and Staples help me do things like that. Or maybe it's just the absolutely, not a pencil out of place, organized perfection that is displayed in those stores. Everything is catergorized, alphabetized and easy to find. My kind of store. You see, I'm an organizational nerd. I consider myself to be pretty darn good at organizing. In fact, I think I could be a professional organizer (as long as people didn't have a problem with me throwing their crap away). There's little that makes me feel better than taking what was once an chaotic mess and turning it into a beautifully organized COMPLETED project. And therein lies my problem. Having a beautiful 6 month old that is going through a "I-need-you-please-don't-leave-the-room-or-I'll-scream" stage makes it very hard to complete any project that I begin. At night, I sit on Pinterest and browse pages and pages of organizing tips and projects....and I drool and sigh with envy. They look amazing. And effective. Unfortunately, I can't find the time to implement these projects. I want to be THIS woman. However, I have accepted the fact that I will not have a clean house until my daughter can entertain herself and can come looking for me whenever I walk out of the room (instead of screaming at the top of her lungs until I come back) and organization just be darned. But I did get a tiny little organizational fix this weekend. My parents decided to come visit our house in Bardstown since we were keeping our sickly little baby inside. If you're anything like me, you know that a visit from the parents calls for an immediate and all-encompasing clean sweep of the house. Not that I think my mom or dad would judge me (I do have a baby, afterall), I just don't want them to think that they raised a complete and total slob incapable of loading the dishwasher or providing clean clothes for her family. After a wonderful lunch and visit with my family, our house was empty again......and finally clean. And it. felt. amazing. I hadn't realized that I could breathe better when my house was picked up. I had forgotten what it was like to have a vacuumed living room rug or a 409-ed bathroom counter. Before I put the baby to bed, I looked at my husband with pleading eyes and said "Can we pleeeease keep the house looking like this???" He agreed that it was much nicer having a clutter-free(ish) house. I was so inspired that after little Miss "Sleep is for babies (and by babies I mean ones other than me)" to bed, I went in to tackle our master closet. Don't get me wrong. I love.love.love having a walk-in closet. But, as it is with any other space in our home, the more area you have, the bigger the potential mess. Before pictures:

I'm aware that this doesn't look all THAT bad. It was. I promise. Pictures just don't do this one justice.

I'm ashamed at the number of shoes I have. I'm pretty sure that could be considered a sin. *sigh* My winter boot collection is a huge source of unorganized stress for me. Currently, they were shoved under my hanging clothes so you couldn't see them and they weren't in the way when you walked in the closet. Which was okay, but anytime I wanted to wear boots, I would have to pull all pairs out into the middle of the floor, find the two that matched and then push the remaining pairs back. Repeat process EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. Annoying, right?

My closet wasn't overly messy like some of the other areas of my house...but it still made me feel frustrated because I saw the potential for organization. So I put my head down and started clearing out. I weeded through my clothing...again. I probably go through my closet and toss old clothes out 4 or 5 times a year. More so now that my weight has completely see-sawed over the course of a year. I attempted to bring order to Marty's clothing without messing with them too much. I organized. I tossed. I un-hung and re-hung. And finally, I was done.

Am I a total nerd? Can you even tell a difference? Shoot. Well, that's okay. Because I can. And the finished product looks awesome....in person. I promise. :)

Again. Nerd alert. I threw out all mis-matched hangers in the closet and opted to keep all of the plastic covered black and white and clear hangers you get at the department store. Best part? No more wire hangers!



My gianto tub of purses. I realize there's probably a better solution for storing and organizing these, but this works for now. And it keeps them all in one place. I can deal with that.


My pride and joy.....clutter-free shoes. I saw an idea on Pinterest (of course, right?) where you take skirt/pant hangers and use them to hang flip flops in your closet. Well, you saw my dilemma above with all my winter boots. So I modified the Pinterest idea and used the hangers to hold all my boots. Genius. I was afraid that the little clips on the hangers wouldn't be strong enough to hold my heavy boots, but we're on day 3 and they're still hanging in there. :)

Finally, my giveaway/yard sale pile. In 45 minutes of going through my closet and tossing a reorganizing, I got rid of the following things:

• NINE pairs of shoes (don't judge.)
• two purses
• two old pillows that had lost their "fluffiness"
• 15 shirts

and!

• three pairs of size 10 and 8 post-pregnancy Old Navy jeans that are now too big. :)

Is there anything better than having a little slice of organized heaven in a normally chaotic home? I say nope. :)))

Next project: my office. Note: you should probably prepare yourselves. I'm currently having a mini-panic attack just talking about it. Please. Don't judge me.